I was on my way home earlier the other night when I started thinking about… past and possible futures.
When I recall the choices I’ve made, about love or something like it, I can’t help but smile. Sometimes it’s a great big smile, sometimes it’s a smile that starts slowly, wistfully, and ends with me sighing.
My last post was about how to have your heart (mine in this case) broken…and much of that still holds true. I found out though, that just as someone had written, it was in the cracks where light got in and filled mine with a lot more than I had expected. So no, my silence from this blog was not because I was nursing a broken heart…it was because I felt a little bit in awe at what is actually possible.
I jumped and found out I can fly.
But I’d like to talk a little about another way you can have your heart-broken… when a choice you make necessarily means having to let go – of a possible future, of how you feel, of someone.
I’m human… part of me felt selfish and wanted to shy away at the thought of having to let go and in fact contemplated not being truthful about a choice I had made. But as I had mentioned in my previous post, better the ugly truth and that applies to my behavior as well. And as the words came out of my mouth, I felt my heart break little by little. Rationally I know it’s not possible to be in love with two people at the same time, but I know in my heart you can actually love two people at the same time. Whether differently or almost the same way, it doesn’t matter. Love is love.
And part of loving someone is, as has been written about in so many a love song and love story, letting go.
“I’ll miss you.”