A Gift Of Freedom

I forgive you.

You haven’t asked for it and I don’t think you will.

That is not the point though.

I still forgive you.

I forgive you for your judgmental thoughts, for I have them too.

I forgive you for your flaws, mine are as many.

I forgive you for the hurtful words you’ve said, I’ve said as much.

I forgive you for the lack of understanding you’ve shown, I haven’t sought to understand first.

I forgive you.

I forgive me.

Because I want to move forward. And I can’t have this heavy burden on my heart holding me back.

You haven’t asked for it.

I believe you never will.

And that’s ok. I still forgive you.

Because it’s not about you.

Because I love me and I don’t want to hurt me.

You haven’t asked for it and I know you never will.

And that’s beyond my control.

The things that are though, those are what matters to me more.

My thoughts, my feelings, my happiness.

So I forgive you.

Forgiveness is a gift I’m giving myself.

A gift of freedom from all things not born out of compassion or love.

A Long Passionate Kiss

I haven’t felt like writing in a while.

No thoughts seem to occupy my mind of late.

No pressing urgent feelings to vent or examine.

 

Is this what contentment feels like?

Is this what acceptance is?

 

No feeling of grasping for something to make sense.

No striving to make something happen.

No wishing for something anything to change.

 

Is this what happiness is?

A quiet steadfast beat

as I relax into my life?

 

Maybe it is.

And I have to say, I like this feeling.

 

There is one thing I do want though.

Not to complete this feeling…

but more as the cherry on top.

 

I want a kiss.

A long passionate kiss.

 

 

 

See You On The Other Side

The other day I posted something about the song “Better Days”… and hearing it again when I happened to see the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”. I also mentioned the story’s “partly autobiographical”…No, not that I wrote it But it does parallel my life somewhat.

So, anyway, I’ve eaten…had my fill of the good stuff (and I’m not just talking about food) and I know pretty much I’ll keep on wanting to do that – enjoy life’s pleasures.

But then, I might have just bypassed pray altogether…although I like to think that every time I marveled at something new or old, something simple, an experience, a new friendship, it was already a form of prayer. Then again, perhaps it’s time to take it up a notch. Or go deeper.

I knew I went straight to love… a great many loves. And I’ve felt the most amazing connections really, but without the right foundation for it, I now find myself at a crossroads.

Between thinking this is all that I want – to be single and happily living my life on my own. And then there’s this tug on my heartstrings that whispers I would also be happy sharing my life. Again.

I said once that most of my relationships are short-term because that is all I can handle at the moment, that it’s all that I want, all that I’m being…so I am drawn to those kinds of relationships.

And I admit, I know how true that is for me.

Only, like I said, I quit the superficial stuff… it’s not enough anymore. I want something with more substance and real intimacy.

But I may just be jumping ahead of myself here. Bypassing “pray” might not have been such a great idea after all. I was just in such a hurry to live big and love great. I wanted to take it all in and I still do.  I see nothing wrong with that, but perhaps balancing that with a little more introspection would be good too?

So, here’s the thing.

Where I’m from, the “Holy Week” is a huge thing (meaning, a long holiday season, no work, and practically most shops and clubs are closed). Perfect time to engage in a little introspection. Or a lot.

Depends on what I find when I get there. 

And while I’m doing that, all will be quiet in this blog (and maybe my other blogs as well).

See you on the other side. 

Wish me luck.